I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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