Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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