I can text with my tongue
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
