I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
