I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am available for nakedness
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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