**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
