Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
high people should be assigned attendants
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
