I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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