Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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