I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
