Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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