We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
