I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
