What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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