Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
