You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
