i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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