fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
