So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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