i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
