I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
