4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
