omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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