as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
