How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize