it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
