his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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