haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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