would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
