Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
