You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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