He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
