I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize