you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
