okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
