There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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