im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
