She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
