It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
