I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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