I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
