I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
