addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize