I just gift wrapped bread.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
