no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize