I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
