I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
