I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize