I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize