You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
