it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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