I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
