a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
