ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
