There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
