I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
