you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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