If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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