I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
